Stillness

My heart is in my stomach, my head feels empty, my inner being feels like a deep dark scary cave. The sadness of losing a child is overwhelming to me as a friend, how are these mothers, these friends and neighbors of mine making it? Three in the past three months. Yes three mothers that I know have lost their children. I feel very very afraid, deeply sad, worried, empty, and almost lifeless. Being in a state of numbness although very isolated and lonely, feels like a safety net. I don't want to move, I don't want to breathe, I don't want to think....this is so painful. This stillness maybe will make it all go away.